monday

I hate going to work. It’s wrong. The imposition of it, the arbitrary, artificial, super scaled, sheer bloody pointlessness of the vast majority of it. It’s got to go, all of it.


So, why don’t I just quit? Why do I do this every day? Well, most days? Let’s think.


1. Fear? Partially, I suppose. But I’ve done much scarier things.
2. Conditioning? Perhaps, partially. But it’s not like I’ve got a mortgage and a conventional lifestyle to support. Not by some distance. But cultural pressure is a strong thing.
3. Duty? Unfortunately, yes, to some degree. I actually like most of the people I work with, and my bailing would cause them some problems. But not so many that a months notice couldn’t be used to sort them out.
4. Sheer bloody mindedness? This, I fear, is the snare that has me. I am of the belief that by quitting, I’ll be letting ‘Them’ win. How did I come to subscribe to this monumental piece of Doublethink? I shall attempt to explain.

Most of the people I work with do not seem believe change is either as desirable, as possible, or can be as quickly brought about as I do. By doing what I do, how I do it, I am in some way convinced that I am actually making things better than they would otherwise be. The Job is not a bad one, it’s about as ethical as you can get, it pays OK and I have a large degree of, cough, ‘freedom’, within the given paradigm. Nice long chain, comfy cage. I even get a hall pass.


This is the most subtle and dangerous trap of all. The trap that binds you in, without requiring you to recant. The trap that holds you in slowly tightening, velvet jaws. The trap that gradually brings the walls in, and leaves the windows open, until, after reading an article in the Metro (aka The Daily Mail Lite) on the morning commute, you finally close them and fit the locks all by yourself.


I really should know better at my age. I know it’s not that scary outside. Quite the opposite, in fact. And I will come out play, just as soon as I finish this…