Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Every so often, you have one of those days when you fall off the path. A day when everything collapses, and falls into a state of flux, a disaster of chaos beyond control or influence. Usually, we’re stable and well enough to deal with it, usually we have enough in our lives that sits outside the whirlpool to keep us upright, till it settles down into a new, albeit dynamic, equilibrium.

I have just had one of those days. I won’t go into the details, but in the space of a few short hours, three of the most important things in my life have become precarious, as has, to cap it all, my exit strategy from work. All at once. What to do.

Well I still have a home, food and an income. So that’s basically my whinging over. It’s not like the Army are about to kick my door in, rape and kill my family, hang me upside down and beat me with electric flex until I betray a list of completely innocent loved ones to the same fate, and then kill me - and just because an acquaintance passed the wrong text message to the wrong person at the wrong time. Which is probably what a whole load of Burmese have got coming. They certainly haven’t got 3 Para and the U S Marines coming to free them from tyranny and bring them democracy, that’s for sure.

So, my point is? Firstly, that I overuse that expression. Secondly, that trivial my concerns may be when compared to some, my guts are still knot of desperate, well, desperation, and I find myself vacantly starring at the tracks, standing on the edge of the platform before the train arrives. I find myself just randomly stalled, like windows xp, as I go about the remains of this dogs breakfast of a day. I find tears swilling close to the surface of my eyes. And I’ve lost the ability to spell, a problem my powerbook can at least insulate you from. Trivial troubles as they may be, they are real, and they are mine.

But I’ll get up. But, would I if tomorrow was as bad, or worse? And the day after that?